Saturnian energies

Time for another update. I am right now in a process where I am finishing up last years hurdles, so while it certainly is a new calendar year, I won’t really notice until 1st of March.

I am deeply preoccupied with my occult studies, which now take place during the dark season. This is consuming most of my time and energy.

My nephew has now got a girlfriend! I am so proud of him. Next month he will turn 18. He is the responsible type so I don’t imagine he will knock her up or get too drunk at a party. So far, he is the one picking up his drunk friends and getting them home safely. Which is why i think its a good idea to teach kids how to drink, early, so they know their limit. Most kids don’t.

Many people of all ages and time warn against getting or using an Oija board. I am one of the people who warned other people about using one, especially if you are not sure what you are doing.

Since I am now sure what I am doing, I got one just for fun. Now, in my initiatory level, you might say I have the necessary skills to tackle certain things. I mean, by this time, I have died three times, and had my organs divided into four, then put back together again magickally at some time, and I have looked my own mortality as well as the horrors beyond in the white eye.

But still I get a Oija board.

I got it on eBay really cheap. Its an antique. I guess the previous owners, based in the UK, didn’t want it anymore, for some reason.

You can see, I am building up to a story here.

But the story is very simple. As I am typing I realize why I haven’t slept well since .. well since about this thing arrived. And I haven’t used it or anything. Horrible nightmares. Too bad I suck at remembering my dreams. Today I even went back to sleep to try to get back to the dream, it had the most horrible energy, I was so fascinated. It reminded me of what a young A.:.A.:. adept once wrote, now dead last year at age 33, in his magickal journal about his visit to the seven hells.

This would be hell 2, only one hell away from the mother of all hells. He described it as ‘being alone in a dark room, lit only by a single candle, pictures scattered everywhere, with a baby picking up the pictures and burning them, one by one. The pictures are part of your life, and scenes of other peoples lives. Each time a photo is burned, a part of you dies, or someone dies. Then you know the baby is sooner or later going to pick up your picture and you will die’.

Welcome Saturn.


Direction of this blog and helping others.

2015-07-23-niles-mThank you dear reader, especially those of you who regularly follow my blog.

It has been a journey, and I feel it is time to take a moment and define the direction this blog is taking, as a reflection also of my own development.

A reminder. This blog started out as my exploration of Luciferianism, and in particular it has served as a personal platform for expressing my Luciferian views online, in the hope of connecting with other Luciferians and ultimately explore indeed what it means to live a life as a Luciferian.

During my time, I met some individuals in various forums on the Luciferian Research Society, (LRS) meant to be a forum of Luciferian artists, where I met some friends I still have contact with today. Due to time considerations I have not been very active socially in this milieu, and the general trend here as is so often the case is that 1-4% of the forum people are active, and only 1-4% of the active people are really good people to interact with and would help you grow.

One of the things I realized is that you need not only learn from self-professed Luciferians, nor just occultists. Chances are your christian neighbour could be very happy in his life and provide many valuable life-lessons on personal and interpesonal levels, that do reflect the ultimate truth as described in Zen Bhuddism as True Enlightenment.

Western occultism divide the world into four levels of existance (for example). Eastern mystic traditions divide it into seven. Christians describe hell or heaven, or 7 heavens and 7 hells, Hindus and Bhuddists may talk of two or hundred of thousands (myriad) levels of existance. My point here is that the exact true number of levels of existance is limitless (or empty if you go by the Zen method) – it is too many and too “deep” to grasp intellectually. Therefore, various systems have created their own systems and divisons, for example four elements, seven planets and 12 zodiak. Which works fine as long as you stay in the same system or carry valid correspondances that are tested and tried and do carry relevant meaning from one system to the next (translation). 

Being and living life as a Luciferian, if you choose to go down that path, good luck, it’s not going to be easy. As always you can contact me if you have any questions. I will soon make a better FAQ and write an essay about this, when I have some more time on my hands.

Going down the path of becoming a true mystic, or occultist, or master of a tradition of the West or East, or any different path, will all require hard work, and you will need to take in lots of information and study hard. A Catholic priest, for instance, will have to work for years to become a priest. Most Catholic priests, will never realize the power of the mysteries or themselves become magickians, but some do. Same thing about Thelemites and Satanists, many come, few survive the initiations (symbolical pun intended) and very few of those gain any real magickal power. Not to mention Wicca…..

Being Luciferian, because there is (until recently) very little authoritative information is HARD, and I do not recommend it because other systems are better at teaching you magick.. If however you truly want to explore Luciferianism and become one, with an open mind, then be welcome, but do realize it will not be easy or as easy as the other, well structured paths. Then what happened recently was that some people I know from the LRS, has finally made a physical Luciferian Church, The Greater Church of Lucifer. I do not know yet if it is a good idea or not, but it probably is, but as with all things before, only 1-4% will actually do any work, and of those only 1-4% will master the tradition… atleast from my side I find it interesting and positive that something is manifesting physically, and it has already created a lot of debate, but my worry is that it will become a social club and that no real deep development of character, or magick will happen. But lets see.

So about my blog. This blog will continue to exist. It has been a platform of my own development and it still will be. I know I have ranted in good and bad ways, so be it. It is what it is, a reflection of my inner and outer process and development.

Directions it will take: right now I am receiving many well written emails from people who request help or assistance in some way. This is interesting. I will write some general tips on my blog, and continue helping people. As always all information is treated with full confidentiality.

My work will be to be a light in the world and to help people. My focus will be less on defining Luciferianism, but it is one of the ways I have chosen to represent the Light in the dark, and so I shall continue on that work. My work alone will define Luciferianism and wether or not I have successfully carried out the Great Work as a magickian.

Oh and one more thing. People write to me and say they have done this kind of ritual or that kind of sigil work, please write a detailed description of your work before sending in your question. As traditions and knowledge vary among the people, what you gain from asking a question will depend on how successful you describe your work and your level of experience.


Blog Update, microcontroller, DYI keyboard idea

Luciferianblog has had a visual upgrade, I was thinking something more classical and voilá, here it is.

Now I just ordered a microcontroller off eBay, to program it. The boyfriend is making a luminous sword for his cosplay workshop, so I have to program adressable LED strips using an Arduino microcontroller.

Plus, I ordered one extra, because I am making the world’s first keyboard based on the Hermetic Rose Cross. It’s going to be a tool for young magickians to learn the letters and symbols that form sigils, and what better way to force the young generation other than to introduce a hardware USB compatible input device that actually lets people type in terms of sigils.


True Soldier

unnamed The amazing and rare Full Moon eclipse approaching, one late Saturday evening, I sit down with my laptop and a bottle of spanish red wine, and decide what to write about.

I am a soldier to the core of my being. I have army effects on me. I am a prepper and some people notice this, especially ex-soldiers or specops soldiers. One occult friend who is a former marine tried to accuse me as a poser in a party. I never served in the army or worked in special operations, that is true. But I have worked in the field. I am a security guy. My clients are governments and private sector. I work for the military but I am not them. I work for the telecom companies but I am not them. I am a soldier. It is a state of mind. Enough about me.

I decided to write this article not focusing so much on myself in mind, but what it means universally to be a Soldier.

The questions I want to answer is: Why do soldiers who come back from wars find it so hard to come back into society? Why do they start drinking and have a hard time adjusting back to Reality? And why is soldiering so fun?

If you look at computer games, the computer game genre, you find that so many games are about being a soldier. Not just simply the act of fighting, not just the historical setting, since the way of fighting and the historic places vary so much, it is then my theory that it is the soldier-mindset in general, the soldiers reality-tunnel, that is so interesting.

I see the same thing in any media: countless books, novels, movies, operas and pretty much every direction of culture has been about wars, what is so fascinating about them?

Being a Soldier is not really fun, but I will tell you when the magic begins. It doesn’t begin in the academy. It doesnt begin during training, when you get cold, dirty and wet. It’s not about the military dicipline, although it shapes a soldiers character.

It is when your platoon is isolated from supplies, and you are attacking a relay station or other strategic goal, you plan it, execute it and succeed, by your own talents, and the resources that are available. After this objective is reached there will be new objectives, and maybe even retreat. Lives are lost, equipent is lost, civilians more or less suffer. In the end, the meaning of war is useless. But one solid thing remains. It is a thrill. It does get the instincts out. And I am not saying war is a good thing or useful thing or that being a soldier is a good thing all the time. But there is one moment every soldier really gets hooked on, more powerful a rush than heorin, and it’s not killing (even though that is a high for some sick bastards) or reaching strategic or political goals (even though that is a high for some sick bastards).

No, it’s the point where you realize two important things that define a true soldier.

Unrestricted freedom : the ability to be a master of your destiny, as well as the destiny of everyone around you and perhaps even a larger destiny. It is during war that conventional structures are removed, and you can do what you want. This is freedom, and it comes with great peril, and can backfire at any moment. A soldier knows what real freedom tastes like: you are lord over life and death. Dualism terms like “good” or “bad” cease to give any meaning, as cultural values instilled easily become invalid in a war-type reality tunnel, and your own decisions will define what is right and wrong, until reality and the situation change, and often in a given moment, killing or not killing can be done without consequence (there is a war, after all) and the normal accountability and restrictions are removed.

Having tasted unrestricted freedom, a soldier does not want to go easily back to living in a normal society. Some do, but secretly want to enjoy this freedom again. Other end up like alcoholics, or even worse, are addicted to war, and go back to conflict zones to have the same taste again.

Realization of truth : realizing ultimately that the structure of society is an illusion, and that the truth of the world is held by only a few initiates: the true soldier, and the enlightened adept.

I recently saw a documentary on Netflix called the “Last Patrol”. Where some veteran soldiers decide to walk along a railroad track all across america. They do it because the railroad runs straight through all walks of life; through Ghettos, through Golf courts, through farm lands and cities. Walking on amtrak property is also illegal, giving the whole mission a combat-like feel. Their journey is a journey of soldiers, as they do this to have a talk about their inner journeys. One impression met me: They meet a lovely redneck lady with USA flag bikini, who works in a veteran home for 90 year olds, she explained that all soldiers share a conciousness of reality you will not find outside in society. They take care of eachother and help eachother. My theory is because they are enlightened about what total freedom really means, and what the truth about reality is.

One example of the truth about reality is that there is no rules.

Positive and negative.

Every day I get more and more messages from individuals that are following my blog. So to my readers, thank you for letting me know. It certainly motivates.

I want to take some special care in responding to this comment, the one regarding my flu and making the most of things / having a positive outlook:

You are having a white-person moment where your problems are actually a joke, and yet you feel you must fight it. You do not turn the negative into the positive, the negative is the negative, the positive the positive. They oscillate and there is no need to do anything except use them against each other.

My Christian Radar is going off… You are giving up the Hidden eye of Othinn, for the ways of the Sly One.

You are a Luciferian! You do not NEED to make the best out of anything! Look into the face of despair and her reflection is already hope. Look into death and there is already Life.

Thank you dear reader who made this comment. You reminded me, and my other readers, of something important, actually several things that are important.

First, yes I am a Luciferian. I do not need to make the best out of anything. Yet I can. When I choose to. Maybe at the time, I was not looking at either life or death but how to make the best out of my situation at the time, to my own advantage. It is totally correct that such a statement is completely forgetting the important Occult rule that anything dark or negative is not something one has to fight or run away from, but something rather left-hand thing should be done, and embrace it, go into it, and penetrate its lessons.

Second, let me say that I have had a good deal of lessons from Saturnian forces so far in my life. Some times when I am knocked out for a month, I just don’t want to turn it into an Occult learning experience this time. I was more interested in finishing a lot of mundane projects people are depending on me to finish. As a blogger with some followers, I should be a good teacher and point out that yes, you should live in the shit, and experience the death of your worthly ego, and learn from it. But it is a good point to remember and maybe next time I will do both: lament on my mundane issues and use it for light AND dark.

Third, “Christian Radar” and “white-person moment”, wow, finally a comment with some sharp edges that also do carry sincere meaning. I shall take it into consideration lest I become too Christian or too white here in my Luciferian blog.

Finally, I do welcome all good comments, especially if you have something worthwile to say, and myself and everyone can learn from it. You made some good points, I had my reasons, but you were not totally wrong to point them out. Also there is a difference in style between you and me. Your reference to Odin and the “Sly One” shapes my perception of you.

Spiritual flu

On the Mundane plane I have had a serious flu and lung inflammation as a result of it. I am still not quite physically well (I guess my body is now quite still a messed up battleground), but spirits are up, and definitly realize that although highly noticeable physically, it has also been a spiritual flu, in that so many things have congested at once, that something just had to give.

The reasons being mostly due to stress, from having too many tasks to complete, on any level at the same time. I just laughed in August when piles of challenges arrived in my lap from every direction, from work, from my Occult work, from just about every relation up or down.

So my body just said: “Ok, I am pulling the emergency brake, dumping Warp Core and di-lithium crystals (Star Trek Reference), formatting all hard drives and declaring a strike”.

And I pretty much passed out for two weeks. With a fever that did not register, although I was sweating 2 liters every day, my temp 36.5 degrees Centigrade and doctors at the emergency room could find nothing wrong. Doctors, what do they know of my troubles 🙂 I should have a Voodoo priest running around me with chickens. Probably.

Next time. Although Now I can kind of see the strategic advantage my shutdown has given me:

  • The pause made it quite clear what my goals and priorities for the next 2 months are .
  • I finished a big programming job for a big banking system, working from home, in less than 8 hours.
  • I outlined how I am going to do a major study in the Occult Sciences, in record-time.
  • All other private and professional commitments are on-time
  • Relationship-wise, all my lovers AND the boyfriend have had the exact same mysterious flu, with some variations in actual fever but still with some unusual characteristics. But it made some of those commitments atleast put on hold so I could focus.

Its not a good idea when your friends or lovers are sick, but hey, I have to try to look on the bright side of everything.

That is the lesson of today’s post. No matter what shit you land in, you make the most out of it. You turn that shit into something positive, dammit.

Throw me a problem

cc5ab4f7e88c30fe5362f32b3eb8c450 Getting a flu is not one of my favourites. Usually get it from a friend or family. They spend weeks recovering, I usually get through it in 48 hours. This one took almost 72 hours to get rid of. I took a shot of Jägermeister every day, and cooked “Chaga”, and old Russian folk medicine. I have a magickal bracelet containing secret abilities that were used by the ancient Korean emperors during the 12th century that also balanced my Qi and strengthened my blood energy, which I am sure helped too.

I spent the weekend alone. My boyfriend went to an anime convention with mostly 20 year olds or younger. Even if I look 25-ish, I think I would get strange looks, besides, it’s out of town even for this kid. I spent my time recovering, cleaning the house and sorting through mail.

Something big is coming up. I am studying for a major test. I will need most of my time for this, although I am sure people will distract me.

Here is my punishment for dating a 20-year old, he is so demanding in bed. It is not enough to do things once or twice. No. Can you come 3 times in 30 minutes? I can, but it is very hard work. For him its no effort at all. I think he can do 20 times in 10 minutes if he wanted to. Curse youth sometimes, or maybe I am getting old.

Now then, people have been writing to me more in private. Few people but they are asking real questions and I feel I can provide real help. I was thinking which direction my blog should be taking. I have tried to help people by offering insights into my life but its hard to provide one, general thing that applies to a broad average, since probably people coming to my blog with an open mind, are not average, and my personality isn’t one-dimensioned.

Maybe this is it: Throw a problem at me. I will help. Write. See what happens. Christians, Hindus, I don’t care what your religion is, and I do not want to discuss religion with you. Just give me a problem in your life and I will solve it for you. Whatever you write stays between us.

Another week went by.

anime%2520boy_largeThere is nothing much to write home about. Or is there? Well it seams my uncertainty of this new relation has been removed. Before a certain retreat I was going to it seemed quite unclear if we would get together, me and my new boyfriend. He is the reclusive introvert type. He still is, but now he has gone from “I don’t need a person in my life”, to “I am taking the train to you now” and spending the night in my place.

I guess for him, it is quite new experience to have, given that he has never had a relationship before. I feel this one is special. He is getting better at making out, and cuddling, although his sexual appetites are that of a typical 20 year old. This old Luciferian has trouble keeping up sometimes. He agrees, I look 25, tops. I have to show ID if I buy alcohol. Like as if an underage person would buy a 12 year old Whiskey single malt from Hokkaido, Japan. My boyfriend would settle for cheap Vodka and something terrible called “Battery” (energy drink).

Where I am going with this? Point is, I am getting stuff I want in my life. Recently a lot of stuff fell into place quite snugly. I am helping people. People write emails to my blog (See Contact section) and I help people in their daily life. It is what Luciferianism should be about: living a life where you attract things you want, things that challenge and inspire you and in my case things that keeps me young at heart (and soul). But also most important: To shine a light for others. No matter what your religious background, all religions with true initiations contain the path to the one Mystery. A Christian can turn his system into his advantage and even through Christian mythos attain true knowledge. It is not the ramblings of a judging god but the light that shines in even the darkest place, even to save darkness itself not by converting it but the one true transcending act: love. A Satanist, deep down inside, has chosen his path. Can he be a light to himself and others? He may. Wether Spiritual or LaVeyan, all religions, even when no longer considered religions, such as Zen, can be tools to the journey on the path of enlightenment.

My boyfriend confessed to me today he is an atheist. Sure, he believes in heaven or hell, and certainly has seen some amount of supernatural events (just look who he is dating) but it took me by surprise. In a way. So he is faithless and respects the beliefs or traditions of others but himself do not follow any dogma or system. It is kind of how I started. Then I got in to Zen. Then I learned western Occultism. Maybe it’s good to be challenged sometimes by someone who has one religion: A Smart Phone.

The new boyfriend II

My boyfriend lives in another town. I was hoping he could visit this weekend, but he has some personal issues to take care of. So my hope extends to the next weekend. He will take the train in by himself, I will pick him up at the station. He wonders what we’ll do. I will introduce him more to my world. Go for a walk with him in the forest. Show him all my secret treasures, tidbits of knowledge and things that all look inside my world. Already his shell is cracked and I can see him smiling and eyes light up at times. He has never known love before.

I have someone now that I love in the true sense. Yet never before have I been so prepared to be hurt. That is why I don’t take any advice right now from my friends or even my nephew who correctly points out that we’ve only known eachother for a short time and its impossible to say how things are going to be in 6 months from now.

I imagine we can be a couple, but we have to do something about this distance. He is looking for a flat in his home town (yes, finally leaving his nest, as he lives with his mom…..) so it’s a step in the right direction for him, but alas, it would be so much easier moving in with me.

But, as he is still just in his earliest of 20’s I don’t blame him for starting with his own platform.

The cutest thing is that he texts me every day, many times every day.