The amazing and rare Full Moon eclipse approaching, one late Saturday evening, I sit down with my laptop and a bottle of spanish red wine, and decide what to write about.

I am a soldier to the core of my being. I have army effects on me. I am a prepper and some people notice this, especially ex-soldiers or specops soldiers. One occult friend who is a former marine tried to accuse me as a poser in a party. I never served in the army or worked in special operations, that is true. But I have worked in the field. I am a security guy. My clients are governments and private sector. I work for the military but I am not them. I work for the telecom companies but I am not them. I am a soldier. It is a state of mind. Enough about me.

I decided to write this article not focusing so much on myself in mind, but what it means universally to be a Soldier.

The questions I want to answer is: Why do soldiers who come back from wars find it so hard to come back into society? Why do they start drinking and have a hard time adjusting back to Reality? And why is soldiering so fun?

If you look at computer games, the computer game genre, you find that so many games are about being a soldier. Not just simply the act of fighting, not just the historical setting, since the way of fighting and the historic places vary so much, it is then my theory that it is the soldier-mindset in general, the soldiers reality-tunnel, that is so interesting.

I see the same thing in any media: countless books, novels, movies, operas and pretty much every direction of culture has been about wars, what is so fascinating about them?

Being a Soldier is not really fun, but I will tell you when the magic begins. It doesn’t begin in the academy. It doesnt begin during training, when you get cold, dirty and wet. It’s not about the military dicipline, although it shapes a soldiers character.

It is when your platoon is isolated from supplies, and you are attacking a relay station or other strategic goal, you plan it, execute it and succeed, by your own talents, and the resources that are available. After this objective is reached there will be new objectives, and maybe even retreat. Lives are lost, equipent is lost, civilians more or less suffer. In the end, the meaning of war is useless. But one solid thing remains. It is a thrill. It does get the instincts out. And I am not saying war is a good thing or useful thing or that being a soldier is a good thing all the time. But there is one moment every soldier really gets hooked on, more powerful a rush than heorin, and it’s not killing (even though that is a high for some sick bastards) or reaching strategic or political goals (even though that is a high for some sick bastards).

No, it’s the point where you realize two important things that define a true soldier.

Unrestricted freedom : the ability to be a master of your destiny, as well as the destiny of everyone around you and perhaps even a larger destiny. It is during war that conventional structures are removed, and you can do what you want. This is freedom, and it comes with great peril, and can backfire at any moment. A soldier knows what real freedom tastes like: you are lord over life and death. Dualism terms like “good” or “bad” cease to give any meaning, as cultural values instilled easily become invalid in a war-type reality tunnel, and your own decisions will define what is right and wrong, until reality and the situation change, and often in a given moment, killing or not killing can be done without consequence (there is a war, after all) and the normal accountability and restrictions are removed.

Having tasted unrestricted freedom, a soldier does not want to go easily back to living in a normal society. Some do, but secretly want to enjoy this freedom again. Other end up like alcoholics, or even worse, are addicted to war, and go back to conflict zones to have the same taste again.

Realization of truth : realizing ultimately that the structure of society is an illusion, and that the truth of the world is held by only a few initiates: the true soldier, and the enlightened adept.

I recently saw a documentary on Netflix called the “Last Patrol”. Where some veteran soldiers decide to walk along a railroad track all across america. They do it because the railroad runs straight through all walks of life; through Ghettos, through Golf courts, through farm lands and cities. Walking on amtrak property is also illegal, giving the whole mission a combat-like feel. Their journey is a journey of soldiers, as they do this to have a talk about their inner journeys. One impression met me: They meet a lovely redneck lady with USA flag bikini, who works in a veteran home for 90 year olds, she explained that all soldiers share a conciousness of reality you will not find outside in society. They take care of eachother and help eachother. My theory is because they are enlightened about what total freedom really means, and what the truth about reality is.

One example of the truth about reality is that there is no rules.

Every day I get more and more messages from individuals that are following my blog. So to my readers, thank you for letting me know. It certainly motivates.

I want to take some special care in responding to this comment, the one regarding my flu and making the most of things / having a positive outlook:

You are having a white-person moment where your problems are actually a joke, and yet you feel you must fight it. You do not turn the negative into the positive, the negative is the negative, the positive the positive. They oscillate and there is no need to do anything except use them against each other.

My Christian Radar is going off… You are giving up the Hidden eye of Othinn, for the ways of the Sly One.

You are a Luciferian! You do not NEED to make the best out of anything! Look into the face of despair and her reflection is already hope. Look into death and there is already Life.

Thank you dear reader who made this comment. You reminded me, and my other readers, of something important, actually several things that are important.

First, yes I am a Luciferian. I do not need to make the best out of anything. Yet I can. When I choose to. Maybe at the time, I was not looking at either life or death but how to make the best out of my situation at the time, to my own advantage. It is totally correct that such a statement is completely forgetting the important Occult rule that anything dark or negative is not something one has to fight or run away from, but something rather left-hand thing should be done, and embrace it, go into it, and penetrate its lessons.

Second, let me say that I have had a good deal of lessons from Saturnian forces so far in my life. Some times when I am knocked out for a month, I just don’t want to turn it into an Occult learning experience this time. I was more interested in finishing a lot of mundane projects people are depending on me to finish. As a blogger with some followers, I should be a good teacher and point out that yes, you should live in the shit, and experience the death of your worthly ego, and learn from it. But it is a good point to remember and maybe next time I will do both: lament on my mundane issues and use it for light AND dark.

Third, “Christian Radar” and “white-person moment”, wow, finally a comment with some sharp edges that also do carry sincere meaning. I shall take it into consideration lest I become too Christian or too white here in my Luciferian blog.

Finally, I do welcome all good comments, especially if you have something worthwile to say, and myself and everyone can learn from it. You made some good points, I had my reasons, but you were not totally wrong to point them out. Also there is a difference in style between you and me. Your reference to Odin and the “Sly One” shapes my perception of you.

On the Mundane plane I have had a serious flu and lung inflammation as a result of it. I am still not quite physically well (I guess my body is now quite still a messed up battleground), but spirits are up, and definitly realize that although highly noticeable physically, it has also been a spiritual flu, in that so many things have congested at once, that something just had to give.

The reasons being mostly due to stress, from having too many tasks to complete, on any level at the same time. I just laughed in August when piles of challenges arrived in my lap from every direction, from work, from my Occult work, from just about every relation up or down.

So my body just said: “Ok, I am pulling the emergency brake, dumping Warp Core and di-lithium crystals (Star Trek Reference), formatting all hard drives and declaring a strike”.

And I pretty much passed out for two weeks. With a fever that did not register, although I was sweating 2 liters every day, my temp 36.5 degrees Centigrade and doctors at the emergency room could find nothing wrong. Doctors, what do they know of my troubles 🙂 I should have a Voodoo priest running around me with chickens. Probably.

Next time. Although Now I can kind of see the strategic advantage my shutdown has given me:

• The pause made it quite clear what my goals and priorities for the next 2 months are .
• I finished a big programming job for a big banking system, working from home, in less than 8 hours.
• I outlined how I am going to do a major study in the Occult Sciences, in record-time.
• All other private and professional commitments are on-time
• Relationship-wise, all my lovers AND the boyfriend have had the exact same mysterious flu, with some variations in actual fever but still with some unusual characteristics. But it made some of those commitments atleast put on hold so I could focus.

Its not a good idea when your friends or lovers are sick, but hey, I have to try to look on the bright side of everything.

That is the lesson of today’s post. No matter what shit you land in, you make the most out of it. You turn that shit into something positive, dammit.