I am a lone wolf.
I have always been a lone wolf.
Since early childhood, I knew I was different from other children. I could read and write before attending kindergarten, and I learned how to program a computer before writing my age with two digits. Programming a computer in the late 80’s is very different than what kids use their computers for these days.
Nobody taught me anything in my life except me.
My esoteric resolve wasn’t even made conscious until recent years only. Until then I went only by instinct.
Prejudice from society kept me wondering why I had to be made so different that the things that came naturally to me, such as working with energy fields, reading up on nuclear physics, and developing new ways to manipulate people, political theories, electronic systems and everything you think of as the basic infrastructure – the technological nerve system of modern society – in all its forms, either mechanical or ideological…
I was hacking computers and people the same, to me they were as easily manipulated, all I could see was input and output. And little rational thought in between, save for automatic responses triggered by stimulus.
After a while, breaking into a military airbase, or disconnecting all the phones in an area, or interfering with air traffic control radio becomes boring.
I was never into girls, I had a sexual relation with a friend around my age, we were 16 at the time when we literally spent every hour of the day together. Obsessed with eachother, we developed a symbiotic existance where we could sense eachothers thoughts over distances, and finish eachothers sentences. Sometimes we could read eachothers thoughts and go for one day only transferring ideas via the mind, not speaking a single word.
This thing broke up a few years later, but although I had many serious relationships after that, I never did open myself so completely to another person again. I learned that some things cannot be shared, which became evident only with time. I am a lone wolf, not by choice but it is in my nature. I can share some of my time with another lone wolf, and we’d be lonely wolfs together. But a complete and perfect balance can not be made with another except with my true soul-mate.
So I had a deep understanding of sex, the universe and politics.
Once magick entered my sphere of sensation, the circle was complete, I knew where I was coming from, and where I was heading.
I don’t give a fuck’s sake if I reach out to, and convert people, to think in Luciferian terms.
In fact, my whole point of having a voice on the internet, is for that 0.000000000001% of the population that will recognise themselves in me (more or less).
There are many other ‘paths’ that draw on other archetypes. The Egyptian pantheon, Greek, Mesopotamian, Sumerian, etc.
I chose Lucifer because it is the closest to my own westernised culture. Surely, as a Norwegian, norse mythos is culturally closer, atleast historically. But I was not exposed to a viking community, except for tacky stereotyped ideas or historical references. (Did you know that Vikings originally didn’t have horns in their helmets?) The culture I was exposed to was westernised, and very saturated by Christian dogma and prejudice.
This weekend I had a dinner with some relatives that emigrated to the USA in the 50’s, and no surprise; they love Bush and are extremely Christian (pentecostal fundies). You might say what’s the point. My point is that I am glad I am different. I dont’ fit in. I can tolerate them since they are no threat to me. I don’t care about politics or religion, for politics and religion itself. They are happily oblivious to my differences, which anyone with eyes to see with could sense: I wear black clothes and a pentagram. Yet they invited me to the US to find (and marry) a girl – they knew exactly the one too, who attended a recent wedding and it would be SO right for me…
I should have said: Maybe if she was a transsexual teenager who worships Lucifer / Satan or some other cool deity, but I let it pass with a light chuckle.
Whatever rocks your boat.
So when people try to construct Luciferian languages to feel more cohesive, or lament over the difficulty of talking to people who are ignorant to our ways, then I say screw them.
Screw them, as in have your fun with them, then forget them. They are not lone wolfs, they are not stayers.
I seek other lone wolfs,
Wolfs, mind you, not sheep.