The new moon in conjunction with the autumnal equinox marks the end of a particularly turbulent year.
This year has brought many victories into my life finally, as the whole year have been a gigantic ritual to cause real changes in my life.
Ever since I embraced Lucifer as the archetype I would work with, I have been guiding myself towards greater self-realization, and together with other initiatory systems (each with their own egregore) I have made some progress, different influences sourced at my divine Will working together and coming together into manifestation into the physical universe.
A rite of passage caused penetration into the mysteries of the non-material to a greater level.
Joining a particular other system caused the material to be more effective.
Doing ritual, although due to the chaotic forces invoked, not always able to do so (no available ritual space when I was homeless for 1,5 months) caused a lot of karma.
Losing my home to the element of water (since I hated my Landlord, and my clutter, I brought onto myself to manifest a water leak which resulted in me having to move, and also ridding myself of a lot of clutter..) was not such a huge deal after all, I went to a magickal retreat, spent two weeks in Sweden, and stayed for one month living with friends, which taught me more about what is really important to have (and not to have).
I’ve taken this summer to re-evaluate everything in my life, and made changes accordingly. I have confronted some past “ghosts” (that is, my patterns and hang-ups, unavoidable unless you are a perfect demigod, which is unlikely) – anyway the hangups we are born with and develop by bad habits are what we try to correct as magickians and especially one that aligns himself with the archetype of Lucifer.
Which brings up the issue of gender. Can a girl aspire to the archetype of Lucifer? Is Lucifer just male, just female or androgynous? These are open question to be considered by the reader for him/herself.
I now have less recreational sex, and I have a relationship, albeit still an open one, I am now seeing someone I think I am romantically interested in. Yes, these words sounds strange. Coming from a 38 year old Luciferian that looks like 25, and lives his life up to now as being forever 19. Yet I found a very special someone who is completely male in energy but with an androgynous body, manifesting, in my opinion, the perfect balance of gender to my taste. And with the intelligence to work at my level in human, social and political matters, which is more human, contrast to my abilities that are more enginering and machine and military.
I now live in my dream house in the very poshest area of Oslo. With. A. Garden. .. and view of the mountains, and the ocean, I now posess a balanced influence of all 5 elements (air, wind, earth, water, and me).
Purposefully parked outside my house is my humble german VW car, the original design by Hitler back in the days, and my also very humble chinese scooter, not designed by Mao but copied from the Japanese Honda motor, and by me reengineered to contain an 80cc engine, just so I can outrun the number 45 bus even going uphill. Screw the number 45 bus. (And may their rude drivers who never learned the rule of the road or common courtesy burn in hell eternally and the most painful way imaginable).
Not so humbly, my interiour is now finally decorated the way I like, which is indeed minimal, this time bedroom is like a Zen style, and living room is purely Scandinavian.
Having moved from the ghetto (primarily immigrants living in my previous area) into the posh area, I was moved to tears to walk in the neighbourhood finding a bunch of kids playing soccer in a nearby soccer field and I noticed they were all blonde blueyed Norwegians… my race. I never care for race before, but I have been living in a primarily immigrant area for so long, I am not used to see Norwegian kids or even Norwegian people sitting behind the cash register in the local supermarket. These things are new to me, and it stirred a feeling: Finally I get to see how Norway was like in the old days, back in the 80′s when I grew up, and I imagined how it was back in the old days when my ancestors lived.
Its not so much about racism (I love every race) or nationalism (I dont care about countries) but rediscovering my own cultural identity and past history was important, its part of my identity that was lost, I know I don’t need it, but it was nice to reintegrate it, see it for what it is (an illusion) but it still got to me on an emotional level, so it must mean something to me.
Its something I enjoy and I am happy about, that there is one place 14 year old boys with blond hair and blue eyes can play football in peace without being harassed by pakistani youth gangs. Indeed all races are beautiful but I like my own race the best.
There are one major monster to defeat. I have reached the ‘boss level’, to use computer-game analogy. The boss of this level is resolving the karma of all my bad relations in the past. Work begins to resolve this in 7 days.